Focusing energy

Whenever I meet with my group, I feel inspired, refreshed, energized. It’s exactly what I was hoping for, but I don’t have the time to devote myself as much as I’d like – and it leaves me wondering what on earth I’m doing with my time.

These days it’s 2-4 evening meetings a week, plus work all day, plus parenting and gardening and everything else. Considering how much time I’m not enjoying work at the moment, I am spending way too much time and energy there. I feel needed – but my daily work seems to move further from where I want to go and what I want to do.

I was reviewing my CV this morning and it was the perfect moment to do so – I felt it didn’t represent my superpowers – like I’m trying to fit into a world that I don’t even like. I love learning, putting ideas together in different ways, collaborating, and enjoying shared moments of inspiration. I love applying design to the real world – through making, curriculum, systems, and culture. I love building mutually appreciative, trusting working relationships that make the work feel like play. I give no shits for money or paperwork, but I can work in that world effectively. I need to leave that world behind, consciously, deliberately, even though it feels like a ‘career limiting move’ from an outside perspective.

One thing that has sparked this thinking in my PBL group is the ways we work in metaphor. Though I work better, and happier, in this place – I wouldn’t have had the courage to lead my teams using these techniques. Seeing the diversity of our group – and yet it still works – I am encouraged. Less fitting in with the institution, more fitting in with myself.